closet, containers, craft supplies, organization, overwhelmed, purging, sorting, stay at hom mom
Adventures in Organizing
Usually I remember some little tidbit of advice or learn some new technique to share with each space I organize.
This time I was helping an old friend who I had organized for a long time (about 5 years) ago. She & I work well together & got the room done in about 4.5 to 5 hours.
It was a lot of fun because she has a home decor business & had tons of fun stuff to sort through. Plus she let me keep a few treasures from her discard pile.
I found these cute labels and cute baskets while sorting. How lucky am I that they were exactly the labels that I needed for this room?
So for this blog post, I thought I'd share some of our adventures we had that day, and shed some light on why stay-at-home Moms have a lot of hindrances (ie: kids) that slow progress.
Story #1:
My friend had bought a very large (64+ oz) Dr. Pepper. This was her little treat/motivation for the work of the day. She left her drink on the bathroom counter, and we set to work. Her 2 youngest kids were home & fighting each other on the stairs. Then we heard a very large CRASH!!!
Her kids had gotten her drink & spilled it all down the staircase (which had just had its carpet cleaned).....on the 1st floor's wood flooring....even some splatters in the kitchen. So not only did she not get her treat, but she also had to clean up the huge mess. She warned me that with her son, the day was just getting started....
Left side before
Left side After
Story #2:
About 1/2 hour to an hour later, her son starts whining in the hall. She goes out to see what's going on & I hear the following conversation:
Son: "I fell in the toilet!!"
Mom: "You fell in the toilet?"
Son: "I got water from the toilet on me, and then I fell in the toilet!!"
We decided that he must have been trying to go potty, and then somehow managed to fall in. And she had yet another mess to clean up.
Straight Ahead Before
Straight ahead close up Before
Straight ahead After
Story #3:
I had to leave to pick up my kindergartner, and came back to help finish. My daughter kinda played with my friend's son and daughter, but mostly Spongebob entertained them while we tried to finish what we had started. With about an hour's worth of work left, we were feeling pretty proud of ourselves and the progress we had made. Then my friend went to see if her daughter had woken up from her nap.
I heard, "NOOOooooo!!! Don't color on the wall with markers!!"
Apparently her youngest had found a marker, and after marking up her own arms and legs, decided to continue her artwork on the walls. My friend came back to the room we were organizing and showed me her daughter's arms.
I said, "Were the markers washable?"
She said, "That's what they say....I guess we'll find out."
By this time though, we were nearing the finish line, so I suggested rubbing alcohol, and we moved ahead.
Right Side Before
Right side After
Last story: Since most of the mishaps were caused by the children, I know you're thinking that this one is another....but this one was all me.
I was loading up my treasures from the pile that she was taking to the local charity, I liked some glass bottles, and she gave me some ideas of how to decorate with them. I put them in a box, then started to head out to the hall.
My friend had gotten rid of a lot that day, and I was so proud of her. Since her truck was currently loaded up with things to be taken to charity, she had made a (very large) pile in her room so that she could load up again later after taking the first load. As I was walking out to the hall, dodging this and that, I looked down at a cute plate. With my eyes so averted, I didn't see the corner of the wall and hit it with my shoulder. If there had been a camera on me, what happened next would definitely be on YouTube by now. I teetered a little, shifted my weight, and had my self settled. Then I made a miscalculation in the distribution of my weight, and started swaying again. It must have taken a full minute for me to finally fall with a very loud CRASH onto the pile of stuff in her room.
She rounds the corner, and asks, "Do you want me to take a picture of this for your blog?"
Nope.
Let's just say that I was really lucky not to be the punchline from a Seinfeld episode ("Million to one chance, Doc")
*side note: as I was typing this blog post, my daughter cut her hand open with the broken ceramic handle of a toy spoon. She had to get 5 stitches. Isn't it great to be a Mom?
I think I have hit upon a brilliant idea, but I need some help testing it out.
It occurs to me that when we say we don't want to let something go because of all the memories attached to it, this is not exactly the case. So assuring you that the memory doesn't leave with the object doesn't really cut it as far as motivation goes. It seems to me that the problem is really that these items trigger the memory. We come across items when we clean, organize, or move and these memories (that we weren't trying to actively recall) present themselves. And usually the memories are of fun times, accomplishments etc.
So the reluctance to let these items go springs more from the fear that without them we won't have a reason to recall these fun times. (not that we won't be able to remember them)
Here's where my brilliant idea comes in: How about when you are contemplating getting rid of one of these "memory triggering" items, you write down the associated memories in a special journal. Then when you feel like reminiscing, you can pick up your journal instead of poking through all of the boxes in your basement.
I think this will really help free up some of the space in your house as well as in your mind (remember everything in your house is in your brain). In addition, this journal is a wonderful way to start your own personal history. If you were gone, and your children were to find your special items, would they know why the items were special?
I'm really excited about this idea, and I think it could be a great way to share your memories, reclaim the spaces in your house, free your life (and mind) of clutter, and create something unique for you and your family.
If someone takes a chance on this idea, please, please, please email me or comment so that we can see if this idea can really produce its intended results.
Our 2nd INFO (Ideas Necessary For Organizing) meeting was a "closet clarification". One member of our group offered her closet for a purging exercise.
Often, I find that the difficulty in getting rid of things with sentimental value or significant monetary value (like nice clothes or books) is not wanting to appear wasteful. It's hard to "throw away" something that is still practical even if we have a surplus of this item. In such situations, most people are seeking permission to get rid of these things that are cluttering their lives and homes.
Another hindrance is an emotional attachment that we form to objects. It is important to remember that while these objects may have produced real emotions; they do not have real emotions.
To overcome these hurdles, we decided to throw a farewell party for the clothes. We gave them a proper send off and they were donated to a good cause so they were not wasted. As far as permission: if my authority was questioned, we went to our panel. I equipped the panel with signs that said "stay" or "go".
Our panel gave us great advice and some new ideas while also learning from our hostess' example and receiving motivation to go home and clear out their own closets.
Some areas we discussed were:
Clothes that no longer fit.
Let's be honest. If the clothes don't make you feel good, you're not going to wear them. If you do put back on weight that you've lost, wearing clothes with extra room is only going to allow you to eat more...not motivate you to lose weight again. Some of these clothes were kept and put in a pile to be tailored. If they cannot be altered or if she does not take them to get altered, she has to throw them out.
Before
After
Clothes that went out of style that you think might come back in.
There are a few classic styles, however styles that "come back in" usually do not come back in the exact same way. When in doubt, ask a friend (or a panel) - if it's dated then it'll be obvious.
Clothes with sentimental value that you never wear.
In this category are maternity clothes (when your children are all grown up) and funeral wear. For the maternity clothes, you usually have plenty of pictures with you wearing your favorites. As for the dress you wore to your parent's funeral, I'm definitely against keeping. Why keep something that will make you sad and take up room in your life? We did let her keep a scarf that went with the dress as a smaller and not so dreary memento until she's ready to let that go as well.
Clothes that you might wear once a year to a holiday or fancy party.
The panel made an excellent point here. If you wear an outfit to every holiday party, then your coworkers/friends/family have seen it, and it's time for something new. Here I let her keep a few things that were still fashionable, hadn't been over worn, and were fancy enough for a holiday party.
Clothes that duplicate.
Our "victim" (big thanks by the way) had several black skirts. We let her keep most of them because she could give us a reason for them and she actually wore them. But we did make her get rid of 2 that she hadn't worn and couldn't foresee an event that she could wear them to.
Before
After
Some other ideas our panel came up with were:
-some items our hostess gets to keep for a year and then reevaluate whether she wears them or they're wasting space.
-there comes a time to dress in what suits you instead of dressing for an image that you're trying to portray.
-try on the clothes that you haven't worn for awhile and see if they might be worn in a different way/for a different occasion.
Thanks group! That was a lot of fun.
More questions:
6. Does this belong in a different room/space?
Sometimes our items just need to be relocated. In one instance, I was organizing an entry-way closet for a neighbor, and it was filled with heavy coats during the summer. She realized that these heavy coats could live in the garage during the summer to make room for the lighter jackets that were sometimes necessary.
7. Am I keeping this just because it was a gift?
Nobody gives us a gift with the intent of it cluttering up our lives. If they do become offended, it is usually short-lived. Your health and well-being and the running of your home should not be hindered by guilt.
8. Will I finish this project? How long has it been unfinished?
I love it when Dr. Phil says that the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. If we have not finished it, it was not a priority, and will never be finished.
9. Have I used or looked for this recently?
Do not get me wrong. I do not believe in generalized organizing ideals....I do NOT want you to put something in a box and leave it closed, and then if you haven't opened it in a year, throw it out. DON'T DO IT. This will only make you wonder what was in the box, and hold on to your possessions even tighter.
I want you to consciously look at everything you have and make a desicion about whether or not it is something that you need in your life.
10. Would I display this?
Another thing I take away from these organizing shows that I love to watch (and judge), is that if you have a collection, it should be displayed.
If it is hidden, in a pile, or in a box, then we are not proud of it and it is clutter.
"Hello, welcome to my home. Would you like to see my lovely collection of cardboard boxes?"
11. Is this replaceable?
I have to say that this one is one of my favorites. As I was contemplating teaching this lesson for the first time, I had an epiphany.
Let's say that you have some popsicle sticks. You have kept them for 10 years thinking, "I might need these. I might be asked to be a Den Mother. My kids might need them for a school project."
Then let's say that after 10 years, you make the decision to throw them out. You haven't needed them and they are just clutter. Now we all know what is going to happen the very next day. You will need them for something.
The epiphany is this: how long will you mourn and kick yourself before you go out and replace the item? maybe 10 minutes. So consider that 10 minutes and balance it against the 10 years that you held on to something that was useless, that you had to keep in mind (in case someone asked for it), and that was a waste of space.
So what is worth more? Your brain space, your peace of mind? or the two dollars you will have to spend to replace something you didn't need for 10 years.
12. Could someone else benefit from this?
Why hold on to baby clothes for a baby that might be a different sex, or a born in a different season of the year, or will be born so many years later that the clothes are out of style...when there are more mothers who could benefit from free clothes that didn't come out of their budget. There are many things that we have, and don't use, that could bless someone else's life. And believe me, the joy that you will get from sharing far outweighs the loss of something you never used.
13. Is this holding me back?
Sometimes we hold on to things and become stuck in a memory or time frame (when our children were babies, when we were happy in high school, when our parents were alive etc). In order to move forward with our lives, we have to let them go. You will not be giving away the memory, just the item.
I hope these help. There are more, but they are more specific. These will cover most of your clutter. I do not want you to clear out your house. I want you to make your house a comfortable place where you can find peace.
The need and drive to hold onto things usually comes down to the feeling that somehow "this is special". I've heard this lesson echoed in many movies, TV, and books that I want you to apply to your possessions: When everything is special, nothing is.
Now that I have you surrounded by massive piles, it's time to purge. And yes, you do have to purge. If you had enough room for everything then you wouldn't have had to organize.
I've always called these the purging rules, but they are more like questions you should ask yourself.
1. Is it broken, unusable, or worn-out?
After you've "used it up and worn it out", you're supposed to throw it out. We expect our kids to let go of these kinds of beyond-repair items...so we have to set a good example and let go of ours.
2. Do I have enough of this item already.
I have seen some crazy collections of grocery sacks and the like. You need to ask yourself: Will there ever be a situation when I'm going to need 30 empty butter containers?
3. Would I pay a storage fee for this?
On one of the organizing shows, I heard the organizer say that if we are not using our rooms for living space, then our mortgage is just a storage fee. I really liked how thought provoking that was. So if most of your rooms are filled with clutter and are unusable, ask if you would pay a storage fee (as high as your mortgage) for these items.
4. Does this represent who I am today?
We are not our possessions.
Our actions represent who we are, not our clutter. Do we hold on to things because we think they represent us-- or once did?
5. Does this invoke happy or sad memories?
After my mom's death in '01, we had to clean out her house and decide what to keep. My mother was a collector, so there was plenty to spread around to her nine children and then some.
When choosing which items to take, I realized that if I chose things on the basis of: "I remember this was always on Mama's dresser" or "Mom really loved this" then every time I looked at it, it would remind me that my mother was no longer here to enjoy it.
So instead, I chose things that were pretty, or that would look great amongst my things. So now, when I look at these objects, I am happy. I can think, "Look at this beautiful object....I got it from my mother".
Our loved ones do not wish for us to be sad or to live our lives for them. They want us to be happy, safe, and fulfilled.
I don't think there's much room left, so I will stop here....but there are eight more questions so keep reading.
Email Me
- Jaz
- I'm a stay-at-home mom of 3 who likes to organize, craft, & read (among other things)
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